Hey there.
You can e-mail me at danny@dannywallace.com, but I’m afraid I’m not always able to reply to everything I get -although I do read ‘em all. For updates, you can sign up to the mailing list, or join this Facebook group. Or, if you’re part of the Twitterati, there’s this: www.twitter.com/misterwallace.
If you’ve a question for me, there’s a brief FAQ (without the F) at the bottom of the page but on the work side of things:
BUSINESS
I’m represented by Lisa Thomas at Lisa Thomas Management.
For books, speak to Simon Trewin at United Agents.
For foreign rights, it’s Jessica Craig at United Agents.
For film and screenwriting, I’m represented by Jago Irwin at The Agency.
In the United States, I’m represented by the United Talent Agency.
Voiceover work is through Alex Lynch-White at Earache.
FAQ&A
What would you accept for payment apart from money?
Good karma. Or a big horse made from diamonds.
What’s your favourite game?
I still find hide and seek disproportionately exciting, although I am now more burly than I was at four, meaning I can now no longer hide behind small trees.
If you were a meal, what would it be?
Curry and a six pack. A six pack of beer, I mean. Curries dont tend to lead to the other kind.
Favourite work of art?
Theres something about Anthony Gormleys Angel of the North that Im drawn to. Either that or the Big Boxing Crocodile of Humpty Doo.
Recommend a book.
Diary of a Nobody by George and Weedon Grossmith is my favourite. So much so my wife gave me a signed first edition from 1892. If you’ve not read it read it
Strongest childood memory?
Chasing a fat black cat around the field outside our old cottage in Scotland.
What question would you most like an answer to?
Was there ever nothing?
Who understands you best?
English speakers. And my tiny wife.
What moment in history would you travel to?
I’d probably pop back and say hello to Jesus, if only to prepare him for his impending celebrity, and warn him about his dad.
Do you need much sleep?
I like eight hours. Eight hours awake, I mean.
What conversation would you like to erase?
I think Im at ease with the conversations I’ve had.
Have you ever said I love you and not meant it?
No. But I did accidentally put a little kiss on the end of an angry email to the council recently.
What’s the worst thing anyone’s ever said to you?
I’d only have to type my own name into google to find out. Anonymity is an abused priviledge, abused most by people who mistake vitriol for wisdom and cynicism for wit.
Guilty pleasure?
A Big Mac. But it’s amazing how the guilt disappears if you pop one on a proper plate and concentrate on the healing power of gherkins.
Would you want to live forever?
Too long. I’d like to live nearly forever.
What is the closest you’ve ever come to death?
I was once in a Tiger Moth as it sliced into the side of a private jet on a runway, inches from the fuel pipe. It was a rubbish plane crash, but hey it counts.
Property aside, whats the most expensive thing you have bought?
What I was in my Yes period, I bought a car off a bloke at a party, just because he said, I don’t suppose youd be interested in buying a car, would you?
What superpower would you like?
The power to control time. At the moment, all I can do is change it on my watch and pretend.
What is the worst job you have ever done?
Shifting boxes of weightlifting equipment when I only weighed the same as an apple.
What inspired you to embark on a career in the media?
Shifting boxes of weightlifting equipment when I only weighed the same as an apple. But I think there was a moment when I was watching the first episode of Don’t Forget Your Toothbrush when I realised blimey thats someone’s job! To be involved in something that seemed to be so much fun, and so cool, and so funny, seemed like a complete dream.
When you were 15 years old which newspaper did your family get, and did you read it?
The Guardian, The Independent, The Telegraph. I’m not sure I really read them, to be honest, but I did get Private Eye and pretend to understand it all.
And what were your favourite TV and radio programmes?
It’s unfashionable to say it, or maybe it’s ironic-fashionable now, but Noel’s House Party. I think in its prime it was genuinely one of the best shows on TV. Imaginative, original, warm, inclusive and with some of the finest ideas for Saturday night fun that are still being stolen today. NTV was probably the most exciting idea ever.
Describe your job?
Writing and talking.
What’s the first media you turn to in the mornings?
I’ll switch LBC on as I wake up, and I’ll have The Wright Stuff on while I potter about, bumping into things and trying to find the kettle. Its handy for finding out what’s in the newspapers without trudging down to the newsagents, and also handy as I am particularly interested in Anton Du Beke’s take on world events.
Do you consult any media sources during the day?
Yeah. I’ll get the news from bbc.co.uk and I’ll watch Channel 4’s News at Noon, to get me ready and informed for Loose Women at 12.30. I also keep my eye on broadcastnow.co.uk
What do you tune into when you get home?
I fall asleep listening to the radio. Either Richard Bacon on 5Live, or Ian Collins on TalkSport. They’re both such great broadcasters, able to mix the funny and the serious with great ease. Although I preferred Richard Bacon when he had the polyp on his throat. It leant him great authority.
What is the best thing about your job?
Being able to have a bath at two o’clock on a Tuesday afternoon.
And the worst?
Worrying that I’m able to have a bath at two o’clock on a Tuesday afternoon.
How do you feel you influence the media?
I’d rather influence a reader.
What’s the proudest achievement in your working life?
I think, so far, it’s that Warner Bros have made a movie out of one of my books.
And what’s your most embarrassing moment?
Being at a BBC party to celebrate the awards various programmes had won. I saw a novelty get-your-picture-taken-with-a-fake-BAFTA stall and drunkenly convinced Alan Yentob to have his photo taken with me holding a fake BAFTA. He didnt really understand what was going on, but gamely had his photo taken with me. I had my arm around him at one point. As he left, I thanked him, and he shook my hand firmly and congratulated me on my achievements. I was confused. I asked the photogapher where I could pick up my novelty photo. He told me they were already with the press. I went white. It was not a novelty BAFTA stall. It was a real display, for real BAFTA winners, with real BAFTAS, and I’d just grabbed one and had my picture taken with Yentob, who clearly thought I was responsible for Walking With Dinosaurs. Two days later, I popped as a strangely-unnamed winner on a magazine website. I am still receiving congratulations to this day.
What is your Sunday paper? And do you have a favourite magazine?
The Observer, The Independent on Sunday, and the News of the World. Guess which one I read first.
Name the one career ambition you want to realise before you retire?
The Eurovision Song Contest commentary.
What would you do if you didn’t work in the media?
I think I’d still have to do something along those lines, even if it was just editing the parish newsletter.
Who in the media do you most admire and why?
Jonathan Ross for pioneering, reinvention and quick wit. Terry Wogan for comfort, reassurance and warmth. And John Pidgeon, my mentor at the BBC, who took me on as a trainee a finer and more creative man youre not likely to meet.
First holiday memory?
Wearing a tiny cowboy hat and sitting on an air-bed with my incredibly tanned Dad in the sea in Mallorca.
Best holiday?
When I was a kid, we spent one summer in the south of France. All I did was read Asterix, but I came back browner, healthier and happier than after any holiday.
Favourite place in the British Isles?
The Highlands. I remember going with a friend when I was a kid and staying in a disused watermill. I love it in Scotland because of the natural wonder on your doorstep.
What have you learnt from your travels?
That most people are nice, wherever you go.
Ideal travelling companion?
A man I met in Barcelona called Marc. It was his philosophy to say “yes” to everything. If I travelled with him, we’d go off and have ridiculous experiences.
Beach bum, culture vulture or adrenalin junkie?
I like to be a beach bum.
Greatest travel luxury?
I realise this makes me sound like Elton John, but if I’m on the road for a few weeks, a Molton Brown travel pack. It’s nice to crack open something with a familiar smell.
Holiday reading?
A classic, a bit of non-fiction and something for fun. I recently read Lord of the Flies, Cosa Nostra: A History of the Sicilian Mafia and Mike Gayle’s Wish You Were Here.
Where has seduced you?
Fagernes in Norway: acres of fir trees, a deer skipping gayly, salmon leaping… In my head I was one step away from a bird landing on my shoulder and talking to me. It was like a Disney cartoon.
Better to travel or arrive?
After being in economy-class hell on a flight to Shanghai, it’s nice to put your bags down.
Worst travel experience?
In Egypt with my friend Ross. We almost had guns pulled on us by airport security as we tried to convince them we were supposed to be on the EgyptAir plane.
Worst holiday?
Returning home from Sorrento to find that builders had inexplicably moved into my flat. I walked in to find scaffolding, half-empty tins of paint, a T-shirt on my pillow and a little surprise in the toilet. I nearly went back to Heathrow.
Best hotel?
The Park Hyatt in Sydney. The concierge was like a genie you could pick up the phone and he would get you anything. In the end we were setting him little challenges like, “We want to go to a roller disco but they don’t have any size 11 boots.”
Worst hotel?
A ryokan in Tokyo. It was a great hotel, but built for someone not quite as burly as me. Every time I walked down a corridor I’d break something, slam a door in an old woman’s face or bruise myself.
Favourite walk/swim/ride/drive?
Driving on New Zealand’s Great Barrier Island, where I was for Castaway. I’d sometimes finish work at 6am, and drive up gravel roads and through streams. I’d get out of the car to watch the sun rise over crystal-clear water, which dolphins would leap from.
Best meal abroad?
The best curry I’ve ever had was in Warsaw’s only curry house. It was cooked by Tony Tandoori, a part-time stand-up comedian who employed models as waitresses.
First thing you do when you arrive somewhere new?
I watch the local news because you can judge quickly what sort of town you’re in. In Auckland there was a story about a man who’d been expelled from school for having a tattoo then trained to be a plumber, which outraged people.
Dream trip?
I quite like the idea of a half-safari, half-beach holiday.
Favourite city?
I got a huge kick out of Shanghai. I like completely alien places. I was constantly being stared at, even by other Westerners.
Where next?
I think I’m going to have a London holiday by doing the things I always do if I’m somewhere else.
